


No Matter What

by courtingstars (FallingSilver)



Series: KagaKuro Week 2016 [3]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: And Kuroko is too, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Kagami is a good boyfriend, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 13:34:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8374054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingSilver/pseuds/courtingstars
Summary: "Hating something you love is painful." Kagami can’t help noticing that Kuroko doesn’t play basketball anymore.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for KagaKuro Week, Day 3: Comfort/Support. This takes place in [my Last Miracle verse](http://courtingstars.tumblr.com/miracleverse), but can definitely be read by itself. (For those who might be curious, [The Yuletide Bright](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7605655/chapters/17310241) happens before this fic, and [California Snowing](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6209425) comes after.) Enjoy!

_“Hating something you love is painful.”_

Maybe it was inevitable. Like how the seasons change, from summer to fall. Like how three years could go by so damn fast. Or how your time in a high school sports club could only last so long.

But that didn’t mean Kagami was okay with it.

It was kind of subtle, at first. The way Kuroko stopped asking to play one on one with him in their free time. How he threw himself into his studies, to focus on his college entrance exams. How whenever Kagami watched a basketball game online, Kuroko would read a book instead.

Normally, Kagami wouldn’t have noticed. Even though Kuroko was his boyfriend, and his best friend in the world. He was clueless like that.

Except… It was _basketball_. The one thing the two of them never stopped talking about. The sport they loved so much. Basketball had brought them together. But now whenever Kagami brought it up, Kuroko would smile and show some polite interest—and eventually change the subject.

It felt so weird to Kagami. Like a hole in their relationship. A gap between them.

And that gap was growing.

The Seirin third-years—that was so bizarre, when in the hell had Kagami become a _senior_?—had graduated from the basketball team. But Kagami still showed up at practice a lot, to help the underclassmen and to stay in shape. He didn’t have any entrance exams to worry about. (Athletic scholarships to American universities were great like that.) Furihata and Kawahara and Fukuda would join him once in a while. Riko would even stop by between her college classes, to give the new team her training recommendations.

But one person never showed up. Of course the underclassmen didn’t notice, at first. Then they started asking, once in a while…

“Hey, so where’s Kuroko-senpai? We haven’t seen him in forever. How’s he doing?”

And Kagami would say some standard, boring thing about how Kuroko was fine and studying hard, because he didn’t know what else to say. He would tell Kuroko later, that their former teammates had asked about him. Kuroko would smile, and say he missed them, and ask how they were doing too.

But he never offered to come by their practices.

Eventually it got more obvious. Like on that early spring day, when the Generation of Miracles decided to meet up and play some basketball together, and they invited Kagami to join them. It was a few weeks before graduation, and the plum blossoms were in bloom. White petals gusted across the court in the park like snow.

The whole thing was weird, honestly. Because the Generation of Miracles were, well, _them_. Their way of being nostalgic mostly involved being awkward and pretending they didn’t care about anything…

… Except this time, they kind of went with it? Like Akashi and Midorima, who had their usual face-off and kept making jokes about how they were both off their game after studying all winter. Both of them claimed they wouldn’t focus on basketball at their very prestigious universities. But it was painfully obvious they were looking forward to being on their college teams for a few years. (Their schools were even longtime sports rivals, because of course they were.)

Or like Kise, who had decided to focus on modeling after graduation and kept declaring, “That could be my _very last basket_ , you know, it’s so sad, wahhhhh” every damn time he made a shot. Which made zero sense, because he could still play for fun whenever he wanted. But that was Kise for you.

At least Aomine and Murasakibara were being normal, and playing like they always did. Probably because Aomine had been recruited by a pro Japanese team already, and hadn’t let up on his training since. Meanwhile Murasakibara was going to that sports university in Tokyo that everyone and their brother was attending. (Kagami couldn’t help thinking of it that way. Seeing as his honorary brother was already going there.)

But Kuroko… Kuroko didn’t play much that day. He gave his friends passes when they asked for them. But for most of the three-on-three matches, he insisted that Kagami fill out the teams in his place. Instead he sat on the bench and talked with Momoi.

Kagami tried to focus, because Aomine and Kise were both dribbling circles around him and that was just embarrassing—but he kept looking back at Kuroko. Wishing for the millionth time that he could actually read his boyfriend’s face. Kuroko seemed fine, sure. He was smiling.

But that didn’t mean he _was_ fine.

And it didn’t mean Kagami was fine with all of this, either.

Kagami didn’t mean to pick a fight. But that night, when the two of them were alone in his apartment, he finally said all the stuff that he couldn’t stop thinking. That Kuroko was avoiding basketball, and Kagami just didn’t get it, because it was like he had given up or something.

He pointed out that Kuroko had hardly touched a ball since their Winter Cup elimination. How Kuroko had said he wasn’t going to try out for the team at his university. Sure, Kagami wouldn’t be there and it wasn’t a great team. But Kuroko was a solid player, so why not at least _try_? Did he even like basketball anymore?

Kuroko didn’t even answer a single question. Just asked Kagami if he was finished, and then got up and left.

Kagami fumed for about an hour. Honestly, he was _pissed_. Sure, he was bad at talking about this kind of stuff. But he was sick of pretending he hadn’t noticed what was going on. He’d already asked Kuroko a bunch of times if there was something he wanted to talk about, but Kuroko always said no.

They were dating, weren’t they? They were supposed to talk about these things. Kuroko had said he didn’t want to break up with Kagami after high school. They were going to try the long-distance thing, see how it went…

Did Kuroko not trust him or something? What the hell was his deal?

Then, predictably, Kagami started to worry. Because he had been kind of an asshole, and maybe Kuroko was going to change his mind about their relationship. Plus his feelings were probably hurt, and Kagami never got a chance to say that he was just worried Kuroko was unhappy. (… Yeah, he was seriously bad at this.)

So Kagami went to put on his coat and look for his boyfriend. Which was when he noticed one of his basketballs was missing. He almost didn’t believe it… He hurried to the most obvious place anyway. The basketball court in the park near Seirin.

 _Their_ basketball court.

Sure enough, Kuroko was there. Standing in front of the hoop, all by himself. The lights weren’t even switched on.

Kuroko hurled the ball, and it smacked off the backboard. Kagami couldn’t even tell if he was trying to make the shot or not. The ball rolled back toward Kuroko. He picked it up and hurled it again. Another miss.

His movements looked shaky, almost frantic. Not like him at all.

Kagami drew a slow breath. He stepped onto the sidelines, and switched on the lights. Brightness flooded the court. Kuroko stood motionless, staring at the ball beside his feet. Not even turning to look.

“I keep coming here.” His voice was faint. “I don’t know why.”

Kagami frowned.

“What?” he said. “By yourself?”

He wondered how long that had been happening. Kuroko gave a vague sort of nod. He picked up the ball, and ran his fingers over its dusty grooves.

“I know I could try out for my college team,” he murmured. Kagami gave a start. This was the first time Kuroko had brought it up on his own. “I could probably make it. But I’ll have to say goodbye to competing at some point. And I think… I think I’d rather do it now, instead of playing in a lower division by myself.”

He gripped the ball between his hands.

“I love basketball so much.” He lowered his head. “I want to _keep_ loving it. I don’t want to miss all my friends every time I go to practice. I don’t want to feel like every amazing thing I had is just… gone.”

He dropped the ball. It bounced, with a hollow sound that echoed across the court. They both watched as it rolled away.

“I wanted to keep up with all of you,” Kuroko whispered. “Not get left behind. I wish I was better—but I know I’m not that kind of player. I’m just… not.”

They stood in silence. Kagami didn’t know what to say.

He understood Kuroko’s point. His boyfriend wasn’t underestimating himself, or being insecure. He was just trying to be realistic, to look at the situation honestly… Now that they were going to college and making important choices and everything.

But it was still depressing as hell.

And Kagami had never realized that some of this was about Kuroko missing his friends. About missing what they’d all had, during their high school years.

Kagami would miss that too. A lot.

Kuroko turned further away from Kagami. “I’ve tried—I’ve tried so hard not to feel like this.” His voice was shaking. “I’ve always focused on being there for my team. On what I can do for everyone. And I want to support my friends, and be proud of you, and I _am_ , but I—”

He shook his head. Kagami noticed to his astonishment that Kuroko’s hands were tightened into fists. His whole body was tensed, and trembling.

“I’m so **jealous** ,” he choked out. “I wish I had your talent. That I could go pro, or at least have the choice. I’m even—I’m even angry at some of my friends for choosing other things, when they didn’t h-have to.”

He sniffed, and pressed a hand to his face. Kagami’s mouth hung open.

It wasn’t that he blamed Kuroko. Not even close. But that was the weird thing about Kuroko Tetsuya… He pretty much never said stuff like this. Ever. Even when he had every right in the world to feel that way.

Honestly, Kagami had never understood how he could always be so supportive and kind, and not feel at least a little left out. When he had so many friends who were so good at the sport he loved. Like a dumbass, Kagami had just assumed his amazing boyfriend must not struggle with feelings like that.

… Seriously, how dumb could he be?

“I’m sorry,” Kuroko muttered between his fingers. “I’m being awful. Everyone seems to think I’m selfless, but that’s not true. I’m really petty. I just hide it more.”

Kagami shook his head.

“How many times are you going to apologize for having normal, human emotions?” he said gruffly. “You’re ridiculous, seriously.”

He pulled Kuroko into his arms, and held him tight. He could feel Kuroko leaning into him, sort of crumpling against his chest. Kagami rubbed his boyfriend’s back, and tried to think of something— _anything_ —he could say. Something comforting. Or understanding, at least.

“It’s okay,” he managed, and he heard Kuroko sniffle again. “All right? It’s okay to be pissed about it. _I’m_ pissed about it.”

“About what?” Kuroko said, his voice muffled.

“I don’t know. Everything.” Kagami gave a helpless sort of shrug. “The NBA. They need more phantom sixth men, and they’re dumbasses for not recruiting them.”

Kuroko gave a weak laugh.

“I’m gonna miss it too, you know,” Kagami muttered, holding him even closer. “Having you as my partner.”

Kuroko slipped his arms around his waist. “We’ll still be partners. Just not on the court.”

He finally met Kagami’s gaze. His eyes looked pink. But he had that determined expression on his face again. The one that said he was going to try his best, no matter the circumstances.

It was a relief, somehow. Even though it was sad, too…

Kagami wanted all of this to be easy. But it just wasn’t.

“Yeah.” He swallowed. “Hey, so listen… We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to hear about basketball from me while I’m at college. It’s okay. I get it.”

Kuroko blinked.

“What? Of course not.” He smiled. “I want to hear about how you’re doing. I’m excited for you. Besides, how can I live vicariously though you if you don’t tell me everything?”

His pale blue eyes twinkled, and he laughed again, more genuinely this time. Kagami shook his head. _What was all of that crap before, about not being selfless?_ Sometimes it was scary just how supportive his boyfriend was.

Kuroko lowered his gaze, and his smile grew wistful. “I’m sorry about before. You were right, I was avoiding it. I… I think I just needed a little time to sulk.”

He said this sheepishly. Now it was Kagami’s turn to laugh.

“It’s cool,” he said. “Sulk all you want. But you know you can talk to me, right? When you’re mad or upset or whatever.”

“I know,” Kuroko murmured. “I’m just not very good at that sometimes.”

“Yeah.” Kagami sighed roughly. “You and me both.”

Kuroko gave him a keen look. The kind that meant he was trying to read him, and there was a high chance he was going to succeed. “What’s been troubling you?”

“I dunno.” Kagami ducked his head. “The same kind of stuff, I guess. Leaving. I’m glad I’m going back to L.A., but, you know…”

He let his voice trail off. Kuroko could fill in the rest… If not from the words, then from the fact that the rising warmth on Kagami’s face meant he was probably blushing up a storm.

Kuroko’s expression softened. “I’m going to miss you too.”

He rose on his toes, and pulled Kagami into a kiss. His fingers were cool and gentle as they trailed alongside Kagami’s jaw, and up behind his ear. And Kagami marveled at how even though Kuroko had kissed him so many times before, he still felt like his insides were melting and he couldn’t breathe right.

Yeah, he was seriously in love with this guy.

He rested his chin on the top of Kuroko’s head. They held each other for a long time. Kagami didn’t know what Kuroko was thinking. He was thinking about the first time they had talked, right there on that court. About all the other times they met there, and three years of playing together. It was kind of like saying goodbye, to all of that.

But at least they weren’t saying goodbye to everything.

“You’re sure, right?” he muttered. “About doing the long distance thing.”

“Yes.” Kuroko looked up at him. “Are you?”

“Yeah. Definitely.” He held Kuroko tighter, and started to rub his back again. Kuroko relaxed into his embrace. Kagami felt himself relax too, finally.

Kagami wasn’t all that good at comforting people. He didn’t know how to fix some things. But he could be there for Kuroko, and support him. He knew Kuroko would do the same. And that would make even the painful stuff easier, no matter what the future had in store.

They were still partners, after all. No matter what.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Visitor (Bet You Weren't Expecting That)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9058924) by [aHostileRainbow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aHostileRainbow/pseuds/aHostileRainbow)




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